Many a time, kids are often made to doubt their judgement or experiences by their parents. Their feelings are often dismissed. Parents consistently deny what their kids go through and make them feel silly. They are easily emotionally manipulated. These are signs that parents are gaslighting their kids.
What is a Gaslighting Parent?
It is not easy to deal with gaslighting parents as they often believe that they are always right. Often, they try to have control over their kids and demoralize them by refusing to understand their viewpoints.
However, sometimes, parents with good intentions may also gaslight their children to protect their kids. For instance, “The vegetables are so tasty. You will simply love it.” These words influence the kids to try something that they don’t like. But, in most cases, parents try to manoeuvre their kids to alter the truth.
Here are some common signs of gaslighting parents and examples of phrases they use plus ways to deal with them
Common Signs of Gaslighting Parents
- Denying your child’s experience
- Twisting facts to suit your purpose
- Making your child feel worse, whenever a difficult situation arises
- Being too controlling
- Forcing your child to believe in your likes or dislikes
- Hardly apologising to your kid
- Letting your child know what is best for him
- Having an unhealthy competition
- Criticising, demeaning, or publicly embarrassing your child
- Ignoring your child’s emotions
- Making your child doubt his memory
Examples of Gaslighting Phrases
Gaslighting parents may say some words to control their kid’s behaviour. They may put some words into their kid’s mouths and tell them how they feel or make a statement about their character. Here are some examples of gaslighting phrases that parents use:
- Don’t be silly. It has never happened
- You are so sensitive
- You are not hungry, you are tired
- Why are you complaining? What I did was so good for you?
- You are overreacting.
- You are to be blamed. Stop just making excuses
- You failed because you had a bad attitude
- You are exaggerating
- Everyone appreciated me, except you. Why is it so?
- You are not upset; you are fine
- No, your favourite colour is not blue, but red
- You sound crazy; it didn’t happen like that
- The assignment is not at all difficult; you are simply lazy
- You should have listened to your mother
- I am criticising you as I love you
- You should have known this before
- You are not upset about what that kid said
- You are a selfish kid
How to Manage With Gaslighting Parents
Kids can manage gaslighting parents in several ways. Here are tips for responding to gaslighting parents
Focus on the present
You can make some time for yourself and focus on the present. It will help you to emotionally stabilize yourself.
Try to acknowledge the situation that you are in. It will help you to understand that you will not be able to change your parents.
Avoid arguing with your parents
You may try to seek your parent’s support for validation, but sadly you may not get it from your manipulative parents.
Gaslighters are usually authoritarian and they will never accept their faults. So, it is futile to argue with them about your experience.
Avoid attempting to win the conversation or persuading them to believe that you are right. It will only drain you emotionally.
Recognize your feelings
You should be able to recognise that you are being gaslighted by the parent. Gaslighting parents may often ignore their child’s feelings. But you can make it clear to your parents that your feelings are your own and you do not need permission from them.
For instance, if you are tired, insist that you are tired and you need some rest. Accepting your feeling will help you to feel positive and comfortable.
Set boundaries
Often, parents may gaslight you by refusing to accept your experience. You can avoid the conversation by simply declining to engage in a fight. Your parents will avoid gaslighting you.
You can set firm boundaries with your parents as it will help you to limit their control over your emotions. Let your parents realise that you have a right to express your feelings. It will help to preserve your emotional energy.
Take support
You can take support from someone whenever there is a challenging situation. The person can validate your position on the issue that you are facing and clarify your stand to your parents.
You can also build a network of support and make friends who will recognize your experience. Whenever parents gaslight you and create doubt about yourself in your mind, you can take the help of your friends and get a reality check.
You can also seek emotional comfort by joining a religious group or getting a pet that could help you to cope with emotional abuse.
Get help
You can take the help of an experienced mental health professional who will support you to handle such difficult situations on your own.
Taking assistance from counselling or therapy will help you to heal emotionally. It will help you to uphold your self-worth and self-esteem. Working with a therapist will also help you to restore your confidence that has been lost to manipulative tactics.
Experiencing gaslighting from a parent can be damaging for any kid. The only way to heal is to accept the situation and move forward. It will help you to always remain emotionally stable and cheerful!
Leave a Reply