How to Teach Younger Kids about Good Touch and Bad Touch

This is an important topic yet one that we as parents often overlook teaching our kids until someone reminds and talk to us about it. Right from the beginning, we are careful about letting our kids not run away and hold our hands. Or other safety measures such as not talking to strangers or wearing their seat belts. Along with all these, we should be mindful to teach them this very important lesson about good touch and bad touch.

Why Do We Delay

One of the reasons why we delay is because we are not sure when to start teaching them. But doctors often suggest telling them about their bodies and the difference between the touches as soon as they start understanding your words. Yes, they will not be able to grasp fully what you are saying but with time they will learn to understand that their bodies are important. That they are the ones who are in charge of their bodies. Slowly, you can introduce the concept of good and bad touch.

It is alarming to know that according to the National Center for Victims of Crime, 1 in 20 boys and 1 in 5 girls is a victim of child sexual abuse (CSA). Even when I talked to a few friends about this topic, some of them recalled being touched inappropriately as a child. So, unfortunately, it is more common than we think. But we were not taught about such topics as children. And they couldn’t realize what was happening then. But we all know how such incidents can mold our lives.

Below I will list a few ways you can teach your young child about their bodies and how to identify the different types of touches. Though teaching younger kids can be tricky, it is better to start young. 

Tell Them About their Body Parts and Teach Them to Correctly Name Them

We often find it easier to address their private parts as pee-pee, or other playful words. But it’s high time that we realize to teach our children the correct names. Let them know about the vagina and penis. If something happens it becomes more than clear what had happened if they know to communicate well.

It has been seen that predators often use other names when talking about private parts. If sudden changes occur about your child calling his private parts with other names you can be careful and enquire your child. With older kids, such conversation becomes easier but for younger kids learning to identify their body parts by their correct names can help a lot.

Teach the Child to Identify the Private Parts

A great way to let your child know is by using the swimsuit referral. Tell them that all the parts that stay covered by their swimsuits are their private parts and no one else should touch them. I saw my preschooler’s teacher tell her that only her parents, doctor, and teacher can touch them when helping her pee or poop. Or the parents or caregiver while giving a bath. But if anyone outside that circle touches them, then it is not a good touch.

Of course, younger children need more assistance. So they will often be touched for cleaning and washing. So you can modify it according to who helps you take care of the child at home. For instance, I have told my preschooler that only me and her daddy as well as her teacher can touch those parts to help her clean and wash. And her doctor when she goes for a doctor visit with either mom and dad. She listened to me and repeated though I am not sure how much she understood. But hopefully, constant reminders will help her to remember and be alert.

Stop Asking your Kids to Hug and Kiss if They Do Not Want to

It is very important to respect the private space of your little one. Even if she is still a toddler or a preschooler, and does not wish to offer hugs to anyone, she shouldn’t be forced or cajoled. Letting her know that she has control over her body will help her say no when she does not want to be touched.

Talk to them about the different types of touches

You can make it easy for them to understand by letting them know about the three different touches. They are safe or good touches, unsafe touches, and unwanted touches.

Safe Touches

Safe touches make the children feel safe such as hugging, patting, or holding hands. These touches give them a sense of caring and make them feel loved. Also, it is important to let them know that sometimes touching them to help them with their injuries is also an example of safe touch even though it might hurt.

For example, if a child falls and a caregiver cleans the bruise and applies cream. Or when a doctor touches them during examining.

Unsafe Touches

Let your child know that touches that hurt children are unsafe touches. And whenever something like this occurs they should tell the person to stop and tell an adult. These include punching, kicking, hitting, and so on. 

You should also remember to let your children know that it is not good to indulge in hurting their friends or adults. These are unsafe touches and are not okay.

Apart from the above, the most important unsafe touch is when someone touches the private parts. They should be often retold about identifying the private parts and how it is not okay for anyone other than the caregiver for cleaning or the doctor in presence of the caregiver to touch the private parts.

Unwanted Touches

These kinds of touches are quite common but the ones we overlook. As already mentioned earlier in the article, many times your child might not like to be held or hugged. And if your child is trying to break apart or avoid, you should respect his or her space. Tell the person politely that the child does not want to be held. Also, teach your child to say no.

The following are the few ways you can convey your message to your kids to differentiate between good touch and bad touch:

1. If someone touches your private parts say stop and run away fast.
2. Tell your parents, adult, teacher, or caregiver.
3. It is not okay for anyone to touch your private parts apart from parents/caregiver/nanny/teacher for cleaning.
4. It is not okay for anyone to show you pictures or videos of people without any clothes on
5. It is not okay for anyone to take your photos or videos without clothes on

Though all the above information might seem overwhelming for parents to process but taking it slowly and introducing your kids to these concepts gradually will help. With time they will also start to understand and remember. And frequent reminders will help them recognize when something is not right.

Hope this article was useful. Please leave your thoughts and suggestions in the comments. It will be very beneficial for other parents as well.