What is Positive Discipline?
As parents, we all are guilty of raising our voices when we don’t get the desired behavior from our kids. We have busy lives and to keep our families functioning, it is but natural to feel stressed. And more often than not our children are at the receiving end. However, we can always get educated on how to handle situations better without resorting to yelling and punishments. Trying to discipline kids through spanking, yelling, and guilt-tripping though seem to work short-term, may have bad consequences for a child. Positive discipline for Toddlers is one method that establishes authority without having to engage in yelling or punishments.
Developed by Dr. Jane Nelsen, a licensed marriage, family, and child counselor, and author of Positive Discipline, this method focuses on offering solutions to problematic behaviors. It believes that encouragement is the key to better behavior in kids. It follows a high level of communication by encouraging good behavior while discouraging behavior you would like to stop. There are five criteria for positive discipline as explained by Dr. Nelsen. They are:
1. It is firm and kind at the same time.
2. It inspires a sense of belonging and connection in kids with his/her environment around them.
3. As opposed to punishment, which shows long-term negative effects, it has a positive consequence and is effective for a long time.
4. A child’s social and life skills are polished and enhanced.
5. Makes the child realize to be more responsible for their actions.
The basis of positive discipline is respectfulness. It teaches the parties involved to display mutual respect for each other. While it provides a sense of control and calmness to the adult, it makes the child feel capable of his own skills. Numerous studies have shown its effectiveness in lowering the risk for smoking, use of marijuana and alcohol, and delaying the onset of sexual activity. Thus, this method not only paves a way for a better future for the child but also provides security and warmth in the adult-child relationship.
5 ways to practice positive discipline for toddlers
Below, I have given a few ways through which you can practice positive discipline for toddlers.
1. Redirection
Though we are tempted to say “No” to every undesirable behavior, a little child might see it as play rather than as discipline. Instead, we can show him what is to be done. In this way, both the child and the adult benefits from the situation. While the child learns what is to be done, the adult also focuses on problem-solving.
2. Encouraging empathy and logic
If we could communicate to our children that we understand how they feel, half of the battle is already won. Little children perceive their actions as right as they still cannot differentiate between right and wrong. Sometimes, you might also hear justifications as to why their actions are right. Positive discipline teaches adults to stay calm but communicates in a firm manner. For instance, if a kid is snatching a toy away from a friend, instead of punishing him for the behavior, say “I know you really want the toy but it is not good to snatch it away from your friend. If you want to play with it, please ask your friend”.
3. Presenting choices
One of the most common techniques of positive discipline is offering choices to the child. This provides a sense of control to the child. However, you should also be prepared to honor the choice that the child makes.
4. Spending quality time
The best gift that we can give to our kids is our undivided attention and time. It’s very necessary to provide and prioritize quality time every day to make the child feel loved and heard. Spending one-to-one time with your child provides a sense of significance. The method of positive discipline highly recommends it.
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5. Identifying the root cause
Positive discipline believes in identifying the reason why a child acts out in a particular way. If an adult could change the reason rather than condemning the behavior, there are more chances of positive behavior in the long term. A child might continue to act in a certain way because he is feeling insecure or jealous. If the reason behind the behavior itself is tended to, there will be no reason for the child to act out again and again.
Positive discipline requires a lot of patience and understanding from the adults practicing it. However, the long-term positive effects outweigh the challenges. This method helps in forming a strong adult-child bond that offers a sense of security to the child. Be it parents, teachers, or caregivers, this method helps them to create a connection without the contempt that a child feels because of regular punishment and yelling. This method believes in kindness without losing authority.
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