5 Problems in Comparing Children That Will Ruin Them

Ever found yourself comparing your child to the “Sharma Ji Ka Ladka” (Your Neighbors Kid) who is doing well in studies, extracurricular activities, and all things in life? This is probably the most obsolete form of advice we have heard parents give in to. This has been the tradition that is forced to follow subconsciously or by listening to the society around it. Is it an inevitable human trait or can we resist the impulse if we try?

You compare your child’s grades with others and then determine whether your kid’s academic achievements are “normal”, better or excellent. Then you resort to giving examples of other children’s accomplishments as a way to motivate our own child.  On the contrary, this is what leads your child to be demotivated and going into self-doubt. What you don’t understand is that while we certainly don’t aim to hurt our child, but unknowingly these verbal statements do more harm than good.

Children are in a very tender phase of their life where they tend to mold into what they see, hear, and believe. They do not take too well to negative criticism. While it is natural to want to know where our children stand amidst others in this world of ranks and percentages, to constantly remind them about how much better others are will do nothing but lay the foundation for an inferiority complex.

Negative Effects of Comparing Your Child

1. Stress

The child is bound to be burdened if he is constantly being compared. Pressurizing her to perform will in turn make him/her anxious and insomniac. Sit and talk to your child to find out what is the actual reason affecting your child’s performance. Devise solutions together and lead them to believe that you are there for them in every walk of life.

2. Lowers Self Esteem

The kid starts believing that others are better than her and that he is incapable of performing well or living to the expectations of the parents. This feeling is very damaging to the personal and mental growth of the child.

Despite his efforts, if he still gets to hear that he needs to follow the other child to perform well, the “good for nothing” starts to settle in. This may deteriorate his performance further

3. Leads to Social Anxiety

If you consistently ridicule or taunt your child, by comparison, they will start avoiding public interaction with you. It becomes evident to them that something about them is unacceptable. You unknowingly hurt them and they will naturally try to maintain distance from you. This may make your kid feel insecure and lose trust in you.

4. Suppresses talents

If your kid spends more time doing what “Sharma Ji Ka Ladka” is doing, it will distance her from activities he actually enjoys doing. He may succumb to the pressure and do what pleases you but you must realize that your kid will never be able to give his 100% in something he does not do voluntarily. Eventually, natural talent won’t have room to grow and will be lost. Learn to appreciate your child’s natural capabilities and help her grow.

5. Develops Jealousy Among Peers

A constant comparison may lead your child to be jealous of the people he is being compared to. Eventually, he will develop a feeling of rivalry and unhealthy completion among his own peers.

As parents, your child looks up to you and wants to achieve your appreciation in all stages of life. That is the highest level of satisfaction and motivation they want to attain. Let us discuss what you can do to encourage healthy personal and mental growth.

Set a benchmark instead of comparing it. Appreciate the effort, even if he secures a mark or two more than the previous exam. This builds confidence. Encourage them to cope with their weakness. Ask if they need any help and support them in their effort to grow.

Appreciate their strengths and encourage them to continue doing what they are good at. Don’t set up unrealistic expectations. If your child wants to become a writer, don’t force her to take up engineering. She may be smart, intelligent but might lack the aptitude and interest, which are detrimental to success in the field of Engineering. On the contrary, she might possess extraordinary writing skills and creative aptitude which will help her succeed in her field. Always appreciate her efforts in public. This will boost her confidence and will help her to face the world in every situation of her life.

Every child is different. In the present age, where competition has spread its tentacles in every walk of life, it is crucial to teach our kids to be grounded. And comparing them at each step will just not help. They should be taught to better themselves with each day, not to be better than their counterparts.