To be honest, I was among the many who did not want to have kids. That, however, does not mean that I am not good with kids or I do not love them. I love kids. And now that I have a kid of my own all of you who think that this article is going towards the direction where I will rant all the negatives about having a child, can take a breather. I am just going to discuss the various reasons people consider while making a decision of going childfree.
Going childfree is not an easy choice
The decision-making process of going childfree and not having kids is not a piece of cake; It’s a piece of $h*t.
You are fighting with yourself with the decision, and society also makes sure that you don’t have an easy way out. Let us go through the factors that make this decision so difficult.
1. Personal considerations:
Having kids is a major irreversible life change and is a long-term commitment. I see it as a commitment bigger than marriage. If your decision for marriage was not correct then there is a way out. But with kids, you don’t have that luxury. Like all major life changes, say quitting a stable job, changing your city, getting married, getting divorced, etc, everybody goes through a decision-making process that involves conflicting ideas within. In such situations, it is okay to have some confusion, self-contradictory ideas, and some level of anxiety with fear of the unknown future. Likewise, if you are undecided about having a kid or not is absolutely okay and most of us go through this at some point before we make a call.
2. Family pressure:
There will be a lot of family pressure when you tell them about your decision to be childfree. You will face questions about not extending your bloodline, not giving the pleasure of grandkids to your parents, and so on. Every time you have a family reunion or a get-together, you will have to face questions from relatives as to why you haven’t had a baby till now. They will make you feel as if you are missing out on something really important in life. You may even face questions if you are infertile or going through any issues in your married life.
It is true that motherhood evokes a plethora of emotions. But given the kind of nuclear society we live in it is important for your family or relatives for that matter to understand that one can lead a happy life without being a mother.
3. Societal factors and peer pressure:
Husband-wife and kids compose a family as per societal norms. Likewise, you may need to explain various social situations and face curious questions like when are you planning to have kids, are you not able to conceive, or is it something medical? After you have answered all these queries, then you may need to explain why you decided to go childfree. There may be people judging you on that and so on.
What changes occur in your life with the decision to have kids
1. You will no longer be like a free bird
Let us face the fact. Having a baby, a kid takes away all the freedom that you once had as a singleton or a married couple. When you are single you can make your decisions without taking a baby into the equation. You have the liberty to do anything. You can wake up when you want, or choose your career as you like. Your life can be one heck of an adventure without the cries to soothe. You have the liberty to live wherever you want or do whatever you please. The possibility is endless. This is one of the main reasons couples decide not to have kids.
2. It is a major life change that changes your life forever
Once you have a baby your life is never the same anymore. Your life as a carefree person becomes a dream. Your time and energy go all towards looking after the new person who has entered your life. And everything and every decision you make will have to be equated with the baby in mind.
- You can no longer sleep till it’s noon or binge-watch your favorite movies or soap operas. In fact with a baby, you are more likely to be sleep-deprived, with the energy level dropping to the floor.
- You are more likely to be irritated with the shrill cries of the baby and struggle to find some ‘me’ time
- There may be a lot of tension going on between you and your husband/partner arising out of the stress of parenting. It will also hit your sex life
- Having a baby also affects your friend circle and you tend to lose touch with them
3. Having a baby will affect your lifestyle
In today’s world more or less everybody lives in a nuclear society and very few still live in a joint setup. Earlier when both the parents went to work, the rest of the family members would look after their child. As such the little one would not have to live alone without any care. But in a nuclear setup, having a child would entail one of the couples( in most cases the mother) to sacrifice her career at least for the initial years of the baby’s upbringing. This will lead the couples to compromise on their lifestyle as well as set either of their professional milestones a setback which they wish to achieve in the years to come.
4. Having kids can burn a hole in your pocket
Yes, kids can be an expensive affair. Right from the start of their baby days till the time they have their own job all you need is to have money for your little one. Starting from their diapers to their college fees, parents need to be prepared for all the monetary needs which your young one will incur. In addition to that let’s not forget if there are some unforeseen health problems or any business your child would like to venture into. This too would require that you have all your savings ready for disposal, for the needs of your child.
However, you might say that all parents do what needs to be done for their young ones so that when you grow old they will take care of you. Well, is there any guarantee that they will care for you when you are old? In fact, the amount of money that you invest in your kid over the years will come in handy if you had decided to be childfree. Doesn’t that sound like a safer bet?
5. Your body doesn’t remain the same after childbirth
Pregnancy and childbirth take a toll on your body. No matter how fit you had been before, everybody knows and feels that once the baby comes into the world, you do not have the body you had before the baby was born. And let’s not talk about stretch marks, the challenges of losing the excess baby weight, sagging boobs, the scar marks, and the health of your vagina.
While for most moms, these bodily changes represent the testaments of their love and sacrifice. For the rest of the crowd, these changes are a lot to take in, no matter how fit or unfit they may be. And to add to the woes, your body doesn’t remain the same after childbirth. Running after the little one will make you exhausted to the core and you will experience the occasional aches which will become relentless. Gone will be the days when you had that fit body. And for many, it would feel like a waste to give up their perfectly able body for the care of their child.
You may want to read: Beyond baby blues: Coping with postpartum depression
6. Your list of travel items will be longer than the place you travel
This is something I deeply feel saddened about. Before having a baby, we could make a spontaneous and quick decision about going somewhere. Now that I have a kid, planning to go somewhere is as tiring as coming back from the journey.
Once you have a kid, you have to plan for months if you need to go for a vacation or visit your relative or a friend. Next, the most tiring thing would be the packing process where you unconsciously carry the whole house for the kid. So now you no longer have your own luggage to carry but in fact, there will be a large number of bags that you would require to carry. Not to mention how exhausting it can be to travel with a crying baby, who would not adhere to any of your reasonings of playing along well in the great family vacation.
Given all these scenarios, it is not hard to guess why many prefer not having children. We have all given a sympathetic look to all these parents who try to coax their screaming kids to sleep as they try to remove the food stains from their clothes. Vacations are meant to be relaxing and rejuvenating but with a kid, it is more of a roller coaster ride. So bottom line, I would very much like to travel light with my partner with a cocktail in hand, carefree without having to worry about anything, and enjoying my time along the beaches or hiking on the mountains.
Suggested read: 10 Practical tips to travel stressfree with your baby
7. Your plans are tied around your children’s school holidays
As long as your children are not old enough to be left alone with their father, you are stuck with them. You have to take them wherever you go and you have to plan it as per your child’s school holidays. That largely decreases your liberty and freedom. Think of a wedding, a reunion of old school/college friends, or a sudden spontaneous girls road trip; all have to wait because you have a kid.
Bottom line
I must say that these are compelling reasons not to have kids. However only if this were a decision of the mind! in reality having or not having kids depends on how you feel about the whole matter. And, when it comes to heart, logic becomes useless. Talking of logic, one can also give several valid reasons as to why you should have kids. However, the only thing you should keep in mind is that do not have kids for the wrong reasons. I would strongly recommend that you also listen to your heart and trust your instinct apart from considering these points. whatever decision you make, make a good choice and be happy with your choice.
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