For human beings, communication is very important, be it verbal or non-verbal. That is to us, a very primary and fundamental way of survival. Only when a person is able to communicate, is he able to express what is in his mind. Like an adult, even a child communicates in his own actions and language. Hence, it is important for an adult to properly communicate with a child as much as he or she is able to effectively communicate with an adult.
In this article, we see some insights as to how do you talk to a child so that you could make them listen to you. As far as listening is concerned, there are many types and you could see a child exhibit as many as all the types involved, say, Active listening, Critical listening, Selective listening, and so on.
How Infants Develop Listening
To give a little perspective, an infant first starts to develop discriminative listening, the most basic form of listening, most often even from inside the mother’s womb, identifying different sounds that are produced. To start with, the infant first tries to distinguish between the voices of parents. This form of listening develops through childhood into adulthood, enhancing listening and understanding capabilities, helping kids to recognize different languages, tones, and accents to the level of even familiarising with the emotions and feelings of the speaker.
Therefore, as a child grows, their perceptions of the speaker’s voice tones and emotions play a great role in how a kid responds to communication or expression. Their grasping power is high and their brain works like a magnet attracting and processing all possible information that they are able to draw from the outside world. Therefore, every parent or caregiver needs to do his or her conscious bit in their way of communication with their child. That’s the key to make them listen to what you talk to them.
Some thoughts on how to make kids listen to you when you talk to them are mentioned below. They have been classified under two umbrellas for easier understanding –
- Physical gestures to be followed – the ‘WHATs’ to do
- Emotional connections to be established – the ‘HOWs’ to do
Most importantly, ways to make kids listen depends on the age too. Hence, some of them below are specific to younger children while most could be tweaked a little to suit the age.
PHYSICAL GESTURES – the ‘WHATs’
1.Get down to the child’s level and use eye contact
This first gesture to strike a conversation with a child and to get their attention is to get to the level of the child – bend your knees and kneel down for younger children or sit at a table with them – and use eye contact. It demonstrates good manners. It also indicates that you give your child complete attention so that he feels the need to reciprocate. Having good eye contact strengthens communication as well.
2.Be at their proximity and use the right volume
When you are trying to talk to a child, make sure you are within his vicinity or proximity. Do not shout orders from somewhere away from the child, say, the kitchen or another room of the house. There are high chances that such conversations are not taken seriously and might fall on deaf ears after a while. Walk into the place where the kid is and then speak to them only after you know you have their attention. Sometimes, raising your voice cannot be avoided. But, use it wisely, when necessary. During those rare situations where the volume raises, the child would know that it is important and least is the chance that you would be ignored.
3.Asking the child to repeat what is told
This might sound insignificant but it is one of the best ways to make sure your child has listened to you and understood what you said. Sometimes, your instructions might be complicated or confusing to them and hence the child might not respond to you. If he is asked to repeat what you said, this gives a chance for you to gauge his understanding.
4.Pay attention to what the child says and do not interrupt
If the child is telling you a story or narrating anything, make sure you give your full attention to what they talk about and then respond. Put away your gadgets. Phubbing (phone snubbing – using the phone when the child is talking to you) is a huge put-off to the child.
Let your child finish the talking. Don’t interrupt in between. This sets a good example of listening to your child. Children generally model the behavior they are used to. Also, interrupting while the child is communicating, in order to lecture about your point of view might also dampen his interest to share his story.
EMOTIONAL CONNECTIONS – the ‘HOWs’
1.Always address with the child’s name
Like adults, every child also wishes to be called by his or her name. Avoid using generic greetings. The first connection that you establish with the child is to address him by his name. It also helps to get their attention. Speak only after you are sure that you have got their attention.
2.Quit lecture and keep it simple
Children decide whether to listen or not by observing the way you speak and the tone that is used. When a parent just talks and talks without giving any sign of listening to them, it might not really work. It is always good not to lecture and preach and rather ask them to speak, make it a conversation, and take their views too. As parents, we might have to let go of the temptation to actually go on and on talking and instructing the kids.
Also, the child’s attention span is short. Use that effectively to communicate what you want to say, Declarative statements are preferable. Be clear and precise in what you say. Use simple words and phrases.
3.Use positive language and be considerate
Use more ‘DOs’ than ‘DON’Ts’.The more you introduce negativity in your talk, the chances are high that it gets embedded in the child’s mind and more often likely to happen. For example, it is good to say “Hold the glass tight” instead of “Don’t spill the water”. This way of communication requires a little practice as we are only used to shoot warnings first. But, once you consciously practice, it is worth the effort.
Also, negative commands require the kid to process it more – ‘Why no?’ and ‘What is right?’ Therefore, telling what needs to be done clears the confusion and is easier to follow.
Be considerate in the way you speak to a kid and watch the tone. Positive and kind words give the child more confidence, leading to more happiness, positive behavior, and positive relationships.
4.Suggest options
While talking to a child, make sure to have a conversation, and have them involved. It improves their listening capacity when their choices are taken into account. Hence, suggest options and give choices. For example, instead of deciding their outfit for them, give them a few choices and let them take a call. They would also feel included in the decision-making process.
5.Be assertive
The tone of your voice matters. It should neither be too meek and downplayed nor bossy and aggressive. The communication is ineffective either way. A parent needs to be gentle but firm while talking to a child. The child should understand the seriousness in the conversation and also that it needs to be followed. Assertive communication is a skill where the child knows that the parent knows what they are talking about and feels the need to listen. It is clear, consistent, positive, warm, and confident.
6.Model behavior
Lastly and more importantly, kids often imitate what they are used to. Therefore, make sure you act as a good role model for your child. Watch your step before you expect what your child should do. They learn based on your speech and behavior. If you are a good listener, they notice it and do the same. Display good manners so that your child takes it from you.
To conclude, the way you talk to a child absolutely matters, if you would want your child to listen to you. As the last point suggests, kids, learn from your behavior, and most of the time mirror the way you react or respond. When you let a child understand that you are listening to him or her, it would eventually inculcate good listening in them too.
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